Communication Basics: 5 Steps to Outstanding Relationships!

Introduction - Welcome

Chapter 1: What am I telling myself? +

Chapter 2: If we argue our thoughts, we can argue forever +

Chapter 3: The way out of arguments. Feelings and longings +

Chapter 4: Needs, longings and values. Part 1/6 +

Chapter 4 - Part 2/6: Anniversary skit +

Chapter 4 - Part 3/6: List of feelings for met needs (satisfied) +

Chapter 4 - Part 4/6: Feelings for Unmet Needs (unsatisfied) +

Chapter 4 - Part 5/6: Evaluations Masquerating as Feelings +

Chapter 4 - Part 6/6: Regrets & Remorse +

Chapter 5: Putting it all together, the Challenging Situation worksheet +

Recap: the 5 steps to overcome any confilcts +

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5 Steps Commuinication Basics Worksheet.pdf
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Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 18

Felt confused : Primary Needs / Primary Emotion [6 in the Box] Matched positive with only “Connection” [Glad] … All others were matched with negative “Primary Emotions” — scared,Mad, etc.
I suggest that Safety be matched with Vitality ;Respect , matched with Equality; Appreciation with Creative-play;To-be-seen-clearly with confidence; To-be-understood with Comfortable….
Defining a Primary Need by what it is “Lacking” doesn’t seem like it’ “primary” emotion … Would you agree ?
Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 21

Noticing how Timing-Dynamics of Self & Other , create Character-Strategies ; which tend to bring up [+Strategy-Patterns], or [-Strategy-Patterns] … Some surfacing Temporal-Need . may be Felt as Vulnerable , to a more Time-Triggering Strategy , thus evoking conflict/withhold activities among the individuals.
Short-term Needs, Long-term-Needs; Personality-Role-Values versus Character-Longings-of-Deep-Desires may be played-out on many subconscious levels. Meditation may sort out these layers [ as Self-Time-Out can reveal].
Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 21

Ch4,5/6 : Evaluations… depend upon the person’ s past, and background , where phrases were taken as “clearly expressed” ; especially when the context, tone-of-voice, & emotional -quotient , could be “bundling” lots of experiences into the mix. They might not be trying to “masquerade” ;, just begin the dialog … They could start with a lot of cruder expletives, before the scale of Vulnerability becomes more tender, sensitive, & amenable-to-change.
Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 21

Ch4,5/6: Evaluations leading to Possible Feelings leading to Possible Needs …values …longings …. Soul-journey are all segue-steps along the Communication-to-Communion Way of awareness allowing Love …
Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 24

Ch4, 6/6 Regrets & Remorse during early relationship; where my “precious need” was a naive religious belief that : ‘god would bring the love together’ all i thought I was to tell the most vulnerable “truth” , and “IF ” she loved me [“truly”] she would would accept me ” no matter what”… That was my greatly [religiously-programmed naive] valued, and treasured secret-love value [ actually an inner withheld belief] . She got away from me; and I {later] regretted my naive religious-belief. I still feel haunted by the possibility that some more of those early-childhood-religious programs , may subconsciously be pulling me into “value-triggered “righteous”[ judgmentally] show-down non-love, morality- relating problems.
Sunheart Sunheart
Reply May 24

Challenging Situation worksheet:
#1; I sense that my stories are hooked with logic-based morality, & pseudo-religious teachings [laced with “Evaluation” messages [clever, complex, & indirect} , “Masquerading” as ‘trustworthy’ answers, or guidance “Strategies”; subtly implying that they will lead to ‘good feelings’ and ‘needs-attainment’ in Relationship.
#2; I am feeling Confused: that the above [#1] mentioned “Strategies” , do not lead to long-term Values of Clarity, with the other Person.
#3; I am needing to Slow-down the Value-sharing Process… Too many hidden Needs or Longings , partly exposed, & in confusingly related ways.
#4; The other Person [on the surface], expresses a high regard for the NVC [Feelings,Needs,Values,Longings] Lists as Guidelines; yet, resorts to second-guessing my expressed responses, & by Withholding , after I state that : I will not Retreat from my Personal Integrity Line [ to go-along/ get-along] , in acquiescing to her ‘needs’ to keep interrogating & questioning my statements [ attempting to probe ‘deeper’ into my perceptions] ; refusing to share her personal thoughts,feelings,needs, & matching vulnerability , after I already shared my personal integrity, with her.
Scott Catamas
Reply June 8

Dear SunHeart, Namaste and Thank you for your comments above. Emily and I have been on tour in New Zealand and Australia for the past 3 weeks, and are just returning to California tomorrow. I am very impressed with the depth of your comments, and will need some time to watch the corresponding videos and take in your valuable input!