A simple system to return to our heart:
during the webinar I had my sweetie texting me that she just got very upset with someone, and she wanted to speak with me asap.
Here’s what I texted her:
1. Reassurance: “I really want to hear you even though I’m not available right now”
Her: “I’m in deep pain”
2. Focusing on feeling: “Tell me what feelings are you experiencing right now?”
Her: “Disappointed, sad, fury…”
3. “I enjoy hearing your emotions. Tell me more”.
Her: “your enjoyment brings a smile in my heart”
When I called her just after the webinar was over, she said “Wow! You got me off-trigger just with 4 lines of text!?” It seems that although I didn’t give any direct empathy, reminding her to focus on her feelings helped her give herself self-empathy.
I guess focusing on feelings rather than stories can kill a trigger in the egg.
The healing power of empathy…
Olivier,
That is so amazing that at the time of the webinar you got to practice the tools in real time.
It is really amazing to see how you are living and breathing these tools!
Since “Navigating: “Relationship 911 ; & Communication Basics ” ; I am feeling a deeper sense of connection with “the Love-Coach” academicians [ Scott, Emily, Katrina, Olivier] [& a ” new” academician-Marya] … The nuances of Empathy ; and it’s ” Compassionate-Connection”… with communication-toward-communion … “Other-toward-Self”…”Empathy & Self-Dose-Empathy” … Slow-down Speed-of-Empathy [enabling an In-touch-Connection with Other] … in-Reality meeting the ” words ” of the Other, which yield ” thematic/somatic triggers” , which challenge the Empathy of the Self-Capacity & start accelerating into the ” Out-of-Touch” feeling [ within the Self} {thus, a need for “an “Emergency-Dose” of “E”[ Self]…
[ I took a break @ 1:03:50]…
… continuing the Empathy[healing power of]… tools of graceful Somatic Release or Somatic Relief .. during the Empathy-Process [ where there is an imbalance building during the back-and-forth rapport ] , the Feeling-component needs to ” Be ” included with the Word/ mental-component … When the Somatic-Release charge is felt as too charged, Diffusing-Strategies , such as turning 45 degrees from the Other while speaking/ describing the feelings; or prefacing the reply, by stating : I want to understand why I’m triggered by what was just said [ or was said or what I experienced [a time] ago ” … then proceed to attempt to express; or asking permission to state a charged feeling… all these imply or intend to demonstrate that Self cares about the Other, and wants to start or extend a bridge or connection toward the Other [ where an Out-of-Touch Sense] is felt …
The Healing Power of Empathy
4 Comments
Olivier Bessaignet
June 8A simple system to return to our heart:
during the webinar I had my sweetie texting me that she just got very upset with someone, and she wanted to speak with me asap.
Here’s what I texted her:
1. Reassurance: “I really want to hear you even though I’m not available right now”
Her: “I’m in deep pain”
2. Focusing on feeling: “Tell me what feelings are you experiencing right now?”
Her: “Disappointed, sad, fury…”
3. “I enjoy hearing your emotions. Tell me more”.
Her: “your enjoyment brings a smile in my heart”
When I called her just after the webinar was over, she said “Wow! You got me off-trigger just with 4 lines of text!?” It seems that although I didn’t give any direct empathy, reminding her to focus on her feelings helped her give herself self-empathy.
I guess focusing on feelings rather than stories can kill a trigger in the egg.
The healing power of empathy…
Emily Orum
June 11Olivier,
That is so amazing that at the time of the webinar you got to practice the tools in real time.
It is really amazing to see how you are living and breathing these tools!
Sunheart Sunheart
July 6Since “Navigating: “Relationship 911 ; & Communication Basics ” ; I am feeling a deeper sense of connection with “the Love-Coach” academicians [ Scott, Emily, Katrina, Olivier] [& a ” new” academician-Marya] … The nuances of Empathy ; and it’s ” Compassionate-Connection”… with communication-toward-communion … “Other-toward-Self”…”Empathy & Self-Dose-Empathy” … Slow-down Speed-of-Empathy [enabling an In-touch-Connection with Other] … in-Reality meeting the ” words ” of the Other, which yield ” thematic/somatic triggers” , which challenge the Empathy of the Self-Capacity & start accelerating into the ” Out-of-Touch” feeling [ within the Self} {thus, a need for “an “Emergency-Dose” of “E”[ Self]…
[ I took a break @ 1:03:50]…
Sunheart Sunheart
July 6… continuing the Empathy[healing power of]… tools of graceful Somatic Release or Somatic Relief .. during the Empathy-Process [ where there is an imbalance building during the back-and-forth rapport ] , the Feeling-component needs to ” Be ” included with the Word/ mental-component … When the Somatic-Release charge is felt as too charged, Diffusing-Strategies , such as turning 45 degrees from the Other while speaking/ describing the feelings; or prefacing the reply, by stating : I want to understand why I’m triggered by what was just said [ or was said or what I experienced [a time] ago ” … then proceed to attempt to express; or asking permission to state a charged feeling… all these imply or intend to demonstrate that Self cares about the Other, and wants to start or extend a bridge or connection toward the Other [ where an Out-of-Touch Sense] is felt …